Today was a good day. I went to skool and already got one final out of the way. Team dinner was amazing. We had pasta with salad and cheesey garlice bread mmmmmm it was so good!!! We had some fun. lol. Our game was a success. We smashed on Patterson!! It was a complete shut out 56-16!!! We jus that rawww!! Now I cant wait tell the ceres tourny cuz I know we bout to serve!

I love the rain. It keeps me relaxed and helps me think. The smell after it rains is the best. Its one of the many beauties of nature. I wish it could rain all the time. The best thing is playin sports in the rain its so much fun and makes the game even better. Lots of people say they hate the rain but me nope I love the rain!! RAIN RAIN RAIN NEVER GO AWAY!!

Im tired of being tired all the time. I wish I could jus have a break from everything. A break from skool and sports. I just want a day to myself. I just want a day to relax and not worry about anything at all. I want to stop being stressed all time and jus enjoy life for once. I miss the days where everything was perfect. I miss those days where I was happy all the time instead of being sad most of the time. I miss the old me ... will I ever get her back?

True friends

True friends r the ones who never leave ur side. They r there for u no matter wat. True friends r the ones who know ur depest and darkest secrets. A true friend would take the blame for you. They have ur back no matter wat it is. True friends stick with u always and for ever. True friends r tell the end

so today was a good day at skool. My test in 3rd period got canceld thank god but i have it tomarro... got tryouts again today cant wait i hope i do good today. Its going to be so cramed with all levels trying out at the same time. ugh. hopefully it goes by fast today though and we dont run as much as yesterday. So excited i cant wait for the football game this friday.First playoff game and its home waaaatttt thats so cool. Go buffs!!

My Heart Wants You

My mind keeps wondering
Your on my mind most of the time

Here I am and there you are
Ever wonder if we can be more than friends?
All I want is to be with you
Really amazing is what you are
To be with you is what I seek

Wonder what would be if there was a you and me
All it takes to make me smile is you smiling back at me
Never can get you off my mind the sight of you fills my heart with joy
To have you would make my world
Such good friends but will we ever be more?

You make me happy all the time
Our conversations are always so fun
Understanding every word you say all I want is to be with you

Haikus =)

Cross-country I hate
It is the worst sport ever
It can burn and die

My life my passion
Nothing can take you away
Basketball is me

All the tears, the pain
You want to give up at times
Its all apart of sports

Why all the drama
All the bullshit why cant we
All just get along

Why is the sky blue
What is our purpose here
Is there life after death

Why did you hurt me
Why did you lead me on
My heart is broken now

Stormy, raining this
weather I love cant it
be like this all the time

Drunk frat boys is all
You see,Fresno State football
Games are so crazy

Black and tan with brown
Eyes, big ass paws, scary
Ass looking dog, shes all mine

Dark and gloomy the
Night is still, nothing but
Silence, creepy but cool

Wind, the smell of rain
Winter time is what I seek
Winter time I love

I wish you were here
I wish I could call you dad
Your nothing to me

Fell For It Once Again

I fell for all the bullshit again. Im so stupid for actually believing you this time. You told me all these things and all you did was lead me on once again. I have these feelings for you and I wish I didnt. I  wish that they would just disapear and all go away. I dont know how I let myself believe all the shit you told me. How did I not learn from the last time. I guess its becasue Ive liked you for so long and my feelings for you just wont go away. You led me on, told me you see us together but all of a sudden you ignore me. You dont respond back to my texts, you act different around me now, its like you said these things just to say it. Out of all people I didnt think you would be the one to do this to me. Your the one guy that I thought would never lead a girl on. You tell me you like me and you see us together but all of it was a damn lie. You out of all people I thought would never do this to me but you did. You hurt me once again and I was just that stupid girl that fell for it all. I want to forget you but I cant. You keep poping into my mind. I have these feelings that I wish I didnt have. They just wont go away. You lied to me, you led me on, you told me all these things and now I wish you never did. Why did I believe all of it? You hurt me, you led me on, you told me all this bullshit, why the fuck did I believe you!

I Dont Know What To Do About You

I dont know what to do. Ever since I started to txt you again those feelings have started to come back. I dont know if I want to get pulled back into all that. Should I take the risk? I mean really I have nothing to lose here. Everytime we talk I get these butterflys in my stomach and I get this huge smile on my face. I know you can make me happy. I want things to work out this time but im not sure if they will because with you there always seems to be another girl. Last time we liked eachother but there was that other girl. I would ask if you saw things working out with us and you said yea in time. That time took to long I waisted so much time waitng for you to make up your mind. I waisted so much time waiting for you to make a decision between someone who was so far away than someone who was right in front of you. You had finnaly made up your mind that you just wanted to be friends with her but by then it was already to late. I had moved on by then and found someone else. Then we broke up and you poped back into the picture again. I dont know mayb this time will work since your not talking to anyone and neither am I. You say you see us together and I want that to happen but I dont know if I can wait around again. When we didnt talk for the longest time I still had those feelings toward you, they never went away. Im confused about it all. Everytime I talk to you those feelings just keep coming back more and more. I have no idea what to do. I want to be with you and you say you see us together but will that really happen? Should I take the risk and see what happens? I still havent made up my mind. =/

What Ever happened To True Friends Being True Friends?

What happened to our friendship? The three of us use to do everything together. We were never apart. That superhero friendship no longer exists. Something happened over the summer but we dont know what it was.Its like you completely shut us out of your life. What ever happened to all the things you said? All the memories we were suppose to make over the summer. We held our part but you let it crumble up into pieces. We tryed to make plans with you to hang out but you always said you were to tired or didnt feel like it. As time came closer for you and Betsy to leave to college thats when you guys started talling again, but what happened to me and you? Ive lost one of my bestfriends that I thought was one of my true friends. I guess I was wrong. Its like you completely forgot about me like I never mattered. I try not to show it but deep down inside it kills me. My heart has a whole inside it that is filled with saddness. What did I do to make this happen because I sure in the hell dont remember doing anything. I miss our friendship and the fun we use to have. Me and Betsy remained bestfriends more like sisters but what happened to you? We both miss you and dont know how to get you back and make it the way things use to be. I dont want to forget about you but damn I guess I have to.

Vans

So many different colors, so many different opptions. Different styles but all the same brand. Vans, thats what I wear. Never a different brand of shoe. Vans is all I have. If you look in my closet all you see is vans. Bright neon green ones, grey ones, black ones, white ones, checkered ones, red ones, yellow ones. I just have so many. You never see me without a pair of vans. They say they are bad for your feet but I don't care. I wear them all the time. Coach stewert tryed telling me I need to stop wearing them cause they are bad for me especially if I run cross-country. All I could think is fuck that shit!! Ill never give up my vans!!Why would I change my shoe style for a sport that I despise so much. Really I'm only doing this sport to stay in shape for basketball. So fuck that I'm never getting rid of my vans!Shoot I'll just keep wearing them around you so it can piss you off cause you know what, no matter what you tell me you can never get me to get rid of my vans! All day everyday I wear my vans. These I will never get rid of. I mean come on now they are just so amazing! I LOVE MY VANS!!

Never Give Up

Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about. That's me. I live by this quote. Once I start something I have to finish it. Basketball, I think about it all the time, it's what I do. It's something I can't give up on. It's something I can't go a day without. It's my life, it's what helps me stay stong. My education is important. I want to succeed in life. For my future I want to become a detective, I think about this all the time. It is something that I want to do, want to become, this I won't give up on. My friendship with my bestfriend is important. I never want to lose that friendship. With her gone and away at college it's hard but i have to stay stong. I need to make sure that we keep our friendship. I have to stay strong and know that nothing can take that way. Being stong is life, you have to stay stong in order to get through the problems and struggles you may have in life. That's why I always remember and tell myself you never know how strong you are untill being stong is the only choice you have.

So Confused, I Don't Know What To Do Anymore

I don't know what to do. Your on my mind all the time, I just can't seem to get you out of my head. I wanna be with you, keep being your girlfriend, but I don't know much longer I can keep going like this. Not seeing you anymore like I use to, I can't even talk to you right now cuz you don't have a phone at the moment. It's been like this for a while and I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I stay with you? Do I break up with you? What the fuck do I do? Im tired of being sad all the time, I cant even be my normal self beacuse all I think about is you. I couldn't even have fun at the football game cause the whole time you kept popping up in my head. A friend came up to me asking what was wrong. I told her what was going on, shes never seen me like this before. Talking about you made everything worse. I sat there at the game trying to enjoy it and have fun with my friends but all I could do was think about you. I wasn't my normal self, I felt like crying right then and there. My friend asked me if I wanted to leave cause she was bored of watching the game. When I told her yea she looked at me and could tell something was wrong. I hate that at all I can think bout is you right now, Thinking whether or not I should end it with you. As much as I don't want to I feel like I have to, I feel like I have to in order to feel like my normal self again. I still havn't made up my mind. I just so fucking confused about it all. Your an amazing guy and you make me happy but now that I never see you im always sad and emotional. I feel like crying, I don't know what to do about you. Everyone that Ive asked says I should end it with you. They say im not myself anymore, I know im not myslef, im sad all the time, always bumbed. I don't want to be like this anymore. Maybe it is the best thing for me, for me to just let you go cause I can't take this any longer. I don't even know how im going to do it since I can't even talk to you at the moment. I don't want to end it but I have to, I don't want to lose you but it might just be for the best. It's all so frustraiting, what do I do?

My Bestfriend, My Sister, What Would I Do Without You

True friends are hard to come by now of days. Its hard to find that friend that you can trust with anything and tell them anything. It took me a while to find that true friend but I finnaly have. Her name is Betsy and shes like my sister. I met her last year during cross-country season of my junior year and it was her senior year. At first we didnt really talk and she thought that I was going to beat her up which I don't know why. I can truely say that she is my bestfriend and I can tell her anything. If I need someone to talk to she is always there for me no matter what. She is an amazing person and I am glad to call her my bestfriend let alone my sister. She knows pretty much everything about me, sometimes that could be a good thing or a bad thing. She has put a big impact in my life and I don't know what I would do without her. During cross-country we had a blast. When we would have a meet we would call eachother buss buddys. Every buss ride we would always sing our favorite song "Baby Got Back". Basketball season came around and I honestly can say she was at pretty much every home game or away game that was in town. I will never forget our first home game when she made me a poster for the game and held it up everytime I came in. I still have that poster hanging up on my wall in my room and it will never come down. When ever I would enter a game I could always hear her scream my name. After games we would always go out to eat, those were always fun. I remember one time when I had a tournament she texted me asking when I was going to get back so that me her and Bri could go eat. When I got back she was already there waiting for me in front of the gym. That was also a fun night that added on to all the memories we have. Tack season was the best. Every practice we would always complain but only because we wanted to piss off coach stewert who most of the time we refered to as the devil. Our plans would always work of course because you know we are hella boss like that. Then graduation came around and that ment that we only had a few months left to hang out with eachother before she left to Fresno State. We had fun when we did hang out over summer but then summer was coming to an end. She had a going away party which was a lot of fun but hard to go to at the same time. This was only because it finnaly hit me that night that she was leaving in just a few days. I didn't want to say bye the night before she left because I knew it would be hard. That day came but the sucky part was that I didn't get to say bye at all. Her mom would't let her stop by that day so I had to say bye through text which wasn't the same as in person. Now it's my senior year and I am hella pumped for it but at the same time things just aren't the same. I dont have my bestfriend there with me at school anymore. We would always hang out at lunch, meet after third period, all of that is gone now. It's just not the same anymore, this year is going to be so different without her. Not seeing her everyday, going to cross-country practice or track practice with her. Worst of all not having her there at my basketball games to cheer me on. I wont hear her voice anymore from the stands when I enter my games. Everything is so different without her. I miss my bestfriend but I know I will see her soon. She is my sister and I love her and don't ever want to lose her. I hope that never happens but at the same time that is my worst fear. I fear that that will happen now that she is in college. Hopefully it doesn't happen. She is one of the most amazing friends I have ever had without a doubt.  I miss her and things are just so different now. I hope I never lose her because I don't know what I would do without my bestfriend.

Why Do I Have So Much Anger Towards You?

Let me be honest for a second. When I was little I would go to your house to spend time with you. I always made it seem like I was having a great time.Sometimes I was but most of the time I wasn't. When you would leave I would always wonder where you would go. I would wonder why didn't you take me with you instead of leaving me with your girlfriend. Throughout my life I've never had that father figure. Never had that dad to look up to. It hurts all the time to know that we will probably never have that father daughter relationship. I say I love you when you say it to me but really I hate you. I hate you for not being there while I was growing up. Instead of having my father there to look up to I had to look up to my brother-in-laws instead. They are more of a dad to me than what you will ever be. When it would come to my birthday or the holidays I would always wonder and wait to see if you would call that day but you never did. I would sit there dissapointed. I would try and say that it didn't bother me, but deep down inside I would be heart broken. I would be crying a river inside. When mom would tell me to call on your birthday or father's day I would say I would but really I never did. I would lie to mom and say you didn't answer. I would always say to myself why should I call you if you never called me. It kills me inside to know that your no longer apart of my life anymore. To me mom is my dad, she's been there for me, you haven't. I remember all the times I use to cry because I wanted to have that relationship with you but I knew that would never be there. There is a whole in my heart that is filled with anger towards you. I don't know if that will ever go away. When mom brings you up I get this sadness inside me. It turns to anger, I end up crying, I don't know how to make it go away. As much as I want that day to come, for us to have a relationship again, I know it never will. I want to get rid of all the hate and anger I have towards you. I don't know how to let it go and let myself forgive you. One day I hope I can. I wish you were apart of my life but your not. Without you here im still doing fine without you. I wish we had memories together but we don't beacuse you were never there. I want to forgive you but right now I just can't.